When I was a little girl, I found a green mask hidden in one of the attics’ corner. I blew the dust off. I took it close to my face and focused my sight through the tiny eye holes.
What a surprise! My view became black and white. All of a sudden, colors vanished like leaves on winter. Everything was blurry. I felt perverse.
I put it on, and it felt good. I felt secure. I felt confidence. It was not me. I was extraneous of my outside. I did not know everything was fake, that nothing was REAL.
Maybe I was just pretending to be someone else.
Since then, I always had on my green mask.
This other self was the only thing I had for real...it felt so green.
No words felt like knifes anymore.
No rocks of pain could hurt my little body.
No more blood, no more tears.
But it was not me.
I got lost. I didn’t recognize myself. This mask, I couldn’t take it off my face.I was living another life, my mask was guiding me through the wrong path.
Wrong words spoken.
Right words unspoken.
I wasn’t able to domain my own self!
- 2 -
When I was 18 years old, I decided to take my green mask off my face. I took it off.
Once a delicate voice told me:
“Don’t fight against the mask, you can take it off anytime you want, it is just a matter of deciding it by your own means”
I took it off.
God It was painful!
A door opened.
I felt free.
The air smelled different.
Things felt smoother.
My sight recovered its colors.
Unspoken words came out of my mouth.
I threw my ego into a pit.
No more boundaries.
No more guilt.
This basket full of Freudian stuff will be kept locked in my attic.